So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
