Screwed.edu
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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