Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
