you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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