google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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