Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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