i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
its not stalking. its research.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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