So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
