All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Dicks are not precious.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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