Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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