Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
