It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
