somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I understand Curling. That high.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's official drugs can't kill me
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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