Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
