make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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