homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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