i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
