Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
