What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
