No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize