So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
