I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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