me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
