Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
