Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I understand Curling. That high.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
