i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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