just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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