Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
