I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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