You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
