He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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