You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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