a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
