Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
