oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
