Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
