I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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