We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
