dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
