He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
did i just pee glitter
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
