I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
