So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
