Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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