I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
