woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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