Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
