awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
