I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
