You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
it glows. i had to have it.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
