I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
