Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
