he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We had to coat check the pizza.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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