This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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