This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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