I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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