you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You are a genius and a whore.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
