I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
