if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
