my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
