well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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