And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
