In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Michael Bay diarrhea
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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