Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize