apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
