All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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