I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
