I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
