I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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