my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Randomize
