Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
