You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
