I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You were trust falling into bushes
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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