my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
