you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
