have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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