We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize