My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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