I wanna passion pit in your ass
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
