why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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