the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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