I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
