I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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