It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
