I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
