There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
