If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
