the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
